Hi I’m Mel. I am married with 2 beautiful children who I am very grateful for! We have had the dream of having 4 kids though, and we did plan to have them all 2 years apart, but we’re experiencing some delays there.
My first pregnancy, I was the young girl that people dealing with infertility loved to hate. I had just finished high school, and that one time I didn’t use protection I got pregnant. It didn’t take me long to be excited for the pregnancy and birth, in Feb 2012 I delivered my first baby, a boy. My partner, now husband and I were so overwhelmed to be parents, as soon as he was born we decided that 4 was our number, and we wanted them all to be close together.
With our own home, big car & his stable job we decided we wouldn’t prevent pregnancy at all, until we were done having kids, and that we would really start trying around the 6 month mark. We fell pregnant with our second baby after 12 months, and gave birth to a beautiful girl in November 2013. I did get a bit impatient even just trying for 12 months but I was so happy to have them 20 months apart!
We have been trying for baby #3 for 3 years now. I’ve had almost every test done, I’m now just on the waiting list for a laparoscopy to check for endometriosis, which has so far been an 11 month wait. I don’t believe I am in enough pain for it to be endometriosis, so it would then be unexplained Secondary Infertility.
My husband has told me he isn’t keen for IVF or anything of the likes, he wants another with me, but is content with two if it doesn’t happen naturally. One of the hardest things to deal with is the lack of support when you’re trying for your 3rd baby.
I get comments all the time like “At least you have one of each”, and “Be grateful for what you already have” and “you’re only young”. A lot of family members just go quiet and stop talking when I talk about wanting another.
I started getting really depressed about it after about 18 months. I sort of understand where people are coming from with their comments if they haven’t personally experienced trouble conceiving, but I do find it really insensitive and think they should keep those comments to themselves, because even despite having 2 children already, and the fact that I am young, I still hurt. I feel excited every time ovulation day comes around. I wait, I wonder if every change in my body is a possible symptom, and when AF comes, I mourn. Over 36 months of this same cycle, of course I am going to be devastated, I was emotional even after 6 months.
In my journey, I went through a couple of years of excessively obsessing over getting pregnant again. Temping every day, taking ovulation tests, and then testing from 10DPO just to end up getting my period. I would stare at those pregnancy tests for hours trying to figure out if there was a very faint positive, I was a part of the TTC community on Instagram, spent hours every day on it, watching other peoples stories, and where I would seek support but be shut down by many because of the fact I already had two. I became a mess, thinking of nothing but becoming pregnant, so I have toned it down a bit now. I don’t track temps anymore or take ovulation tests, and I don’t buy pregnancy tests unless I’m at least 3 days overdue. I try not to think about it that much, but I am still aware of my body, I know when in ovulating and we’re still trying, I’m just not obsessing over it.
I still have bad days, my sister has had 2 babies in the time I’ve been trying for my third, I’m SO happy for her, and I love my nieces to bits, actually, my second niece was born today! Which is what led me to this website, it was quite the emotional trigger. I am so happy for her though, not resentful at all, it just begs the question “when is it my turn”. The question that comes up with every Facebook announcement, every baby shower invite and every time I go through the baby pictures of my own children. I also get upset by my sister venting to me, when she would complain daily about pregnancy pains and discomfort, and now how much baby is nursing. I just really want to feel that again, and she knows that too.
I think that’s the tip that I’d give anybody who is trying is to not let it consume you like it did to me for two whole years, I hated people who told me “stop trying and it will happen”. I haven’t stopped trying, I have just stopped obsessing.
Track those cycles, try for that baby just make sure you distract your mind with other things too, so you don’t go crazy! Baby dust and love to all those out there trying, no matter what number baby it is, how old you are, what is causing your infertility, and what the age gap may be. We all need support xoxox