It is often those closest to us that, unknowingly, cause the most pain and discomfort.
Parents flippantly reassuring you “it will happen one day” can be extremely annoying. Or going on and on about you sister-in-law or cousin who is currently pregnant can be extremely painful when deep down you too feel happy for them, but you just don’t want to hear about it right now.
Your group of Mummy friends, who all had children the same time as you, are now pregnant with their second or third child and get togethers where once chat focussed on weaning, nursery stories or starting school is now all about scans, cravings or the contents of the new wee ones nappy. It hurts. You so want a dirty nappy to talk about.
At work, there may be one or more pregnant or on maternity. Wives of colleagues, young girls straight from college, even the window cleaner’s girlfriend is expecting. It’s everywhere, except at your desk.
How do you handle it?
Firstly we are all different, so we need consider our own personality and feelings but come up with a solution that feels right for us. But, in your stronger moments, do consider how to handle awkward or painful situations to help you when you are feeling weak. These tips might help:
1 – File somewhere at the back of your mind that nobody really means any harm. There is no intention from anyone to rub or your nose in it, or hurt you. They just don’t understand.
2 – Consider a rebuke, or remark for common, uncomfortable scenarios: ie “Are you having another soon?” reply “We hope to have more” or “Isn’t it about time you popped another one out?” reply “I don’t know, you tell me” or “Aaw Fiona’s really showing now, she was all up night with heartburn blah blah” reply “I’ll call her myself and see how she is, but would you mind if we talked about something else please?” Get you ammo ready!
3 – Remove yourself from situations you might not be comfortable with. If all your girlfriends talk about is babies, don’t go to the next get together, take a break. That’s OK. Or, consider inviting them to yours where they may feel less comfortable themselves talking about subjects solely involving themselves.
4 – Share your story and feelings. You should not feel guilty and once you get that in your head, sharing how you feel and what you are going through will not only be a release, but it will also help those amongst your family, friends and work colleagues to understand better.
5 – Be honest. If someone has said something that was hurtful, tell them. Nicely of course. But sometimes you need to be honest about how you feel and how sensitive you are so that people know not to say it again.