In the six hours since the MLTG page went live on the world wide web, it already has 50 likes, 14 shares and I have 4 orders for my book! How cool is that? And yet it is the 3 comments made on the page that mean the most. Sitting for hundreds of hours pouring my heart out into the laptop, often felt like the loneliest place on the planet. I will never forget the moment I read a paragraph in Zita West’s Guide to IVF (bible) that mentioned existing parents often had a feeling of guilt. At last somebody understood. That was me! I was shocked as I read the words but I was also immensely comforted. I’ll also remember the shock at learning that our situation actually had a name ‘Secondary Infertility’. At last I felt ‘defined’, part of a group and suddenly not so alone. To receive feedback today from 3 people who are currently in a similar situation and have thanked me for sharing my story is one of the strangest feelings I have ever felt. In the words of one: “I honestly can’t relate to that enough. You have captured how I’m sure a million women feel. At a daunting yet exciting time this had given me so much positivity for the future.” I have always dreamed of getting this book published but tonight, this means more to me than any Amazon listing. I know how she feels, she now feels understood. She doesn’t feel so alone and I hope she can start to shake off a little of the guilt she has been carrying round. Yet I feel sad that despite launching on the world wide web, this friend lives just 10 minutes away. We live so near, yet when you are struggling alone, we live so far away. Let’s talk more. Let’s share more. Let’s drop the shame. x
Tag: secondary infertility
Bravely does it…
So here I am finally getting ready to make my site go live and this feels like the scariest thing I have done in my life!
This book has taken three years to write and it is strange to think that I started to write before I even knew the term ‘secondary infertility’ existed. In fact, I started whilst going through our first cycle so that was even before I had any reason to think I would need a term to describe our situation!
I am pretty sure that had I known about our journey and the four attempts before I started the IVF treatment, I’m not sure I would have ever taken the first step. It was a daunting experience but one I embarked on fully expecting to get pregnant first time. I hadn’t anticipated the darker side of failed attempts. Looking back, whilst this was naive, it was also my saviour, for it made me get on with the treatment and have a go. It was a long, painful journey that would not have been so easy to start had I known all that I was in for over the next 14 months.
And yet, sat here now, about to launch my blog and launch my Facebook page, this feels like the scariest journey I have ever made in my life.
Sharing my thoughts, our most intimate moments, not to mention my possible grammatical errors, all seems pretty daunting.
And then I remember that couple on the sofa that have been in my thoughts whilst writing every chapter. Somebody, somewhere, feels guilty for wanting another child and ashamed that they feel so desperate for a child when they know they are blessed to already have one, or more.
They are my saviour right now. For if sharing our story can convince just one couple that it’s alright to feel the want for more children, that you’re not greedy and you should not feel guilty, then that is all the motivation I need to press ‘go live’. It doesn’t feel so scary afterall.
Secondary Infertility Matters 