So today we have published another two Real Stories, kindly offered by two of our followers to help other visitors to the site. I have published both as the same time rather than waiting to publish one per month as these pages are consistently our most visited and it is clear that hearing other’s stories is a great way to feel supported.
For that I thank those brave couples who are sharing their stories, we hugely appreciate your support for others and I would take the opportunity to encourage others to open up and perhaps submit their story. It can be hugely therapeutic too.
What struck me about Melissa’s story is that her circumstances resonated with the content of my latest feature for Jan/Feb’s edition of Fertility Road Magazine @FertilityRoad.
I talk about the different profiles of couples struggling with Secondary Infertility and state that “We’re not all Mrs Married, 40+ with a highflying banking career, high heels and shrivelled ovaries!”
Melissa was 16 when she had her first child, 18 when she had her second and has spent the last three years desperately struggling to extend her family with her husband to create the four children they have always longed for. You just need to read her own words to hear the pain, disappointment, longing and frustration. Yet it doesn’t take a genius to work out how little support she will be getting from those around her.
She already has two children.
She is barely in her 20s.
She has the joy of motherhood and time both on her side.
IT STILL DOESN’T STOP IT HURTING! Melissa may not have known the original pain of Primary Infertility having had her first child quite easily but I’m sure she feels huge compassion and empathy for anyone in that position. Her desire and need don’t diminish how unfair she will feel it is, that anyone without any children who desperately want to have a baby but can’t is. She gets it alright, she feels it for sure.
But does this mean she doesn’t or shouldn’t hurt or feel huge pain at living every day of her life by each fortnight, tracking ovulation and her period. The guilt at wanting another when she loves her kids that she knows she’s blessed with.
She wants to fulfil her dream of a large family. She didn’t ever dream of a high powered job, to be an astronaut or travel the world. Melissa’s dream was to have four children close together. She was on track. Now she’s not.
She is yet to find out if there is a reason but right now, she’s looking inwardly at herself and feeling her body is failing her, preventing her dreams from coming true.
To me her youth is endearing. Her passion and desire to have more children is a compliment to her as a young Mum. Her circumstances though make me want to get in the car, drive to her and hug her as I can only imagine the lack of empathy and understanding, not least from those close to her.
I was late thirties, had a stressful job owning my own business, people just assumed it was my age and career and so gave a slither of sympathy.
Irrespective of circumstances, straight, gay, married, unmarried, old, young, both couples as parents or with step children, it still bloody feels the same and we still lack the support and understanding.
Whatever your situation, I hope you find support, offer support and I wish you all the very best in your quest to realise your dream.